I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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