you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
