he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
