So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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