Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
