I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
