You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
