I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
