i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
