He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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