Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
