I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize