Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Come see our sink grown plant.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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