people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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