Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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