I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
