So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
