i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
