she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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