I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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