god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
as a side note pls kill me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
