fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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