One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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