Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
