Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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