yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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