so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
