no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
