I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
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What drink are we having for lunch?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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