I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
