toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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