my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
