her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize