obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
