so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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