you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
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I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
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I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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