yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I puked a lego.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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