You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
