I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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