I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im holly from the hills drunk
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
