It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize