I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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