She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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