You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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