I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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