My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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