An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
