I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just pee around me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
