We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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