Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
