I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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