Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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