He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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