you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
