if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
