Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
