Whatcha textin bout Willis?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
