anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
