So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
