if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
