Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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