Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
