I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
