Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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