I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
