the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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