Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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