i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
