you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
