Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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