DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
