Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
