I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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