I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
