she was so not down for the gang bang
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
