My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
